I recently blogged about a new book that came out...and just saw this interview with the author, Lori Gottlieb, on CNN of all places.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/02/24/lori.gottlieb.marry.him/index.html?hpt=C2
She said enough interesting things that I will probably end up reading the book now!
She confirms what I observed as a dater, which is that women tend to be much pickier than men, and the "I must have it all" attitude creates unhappy people. Apparently, if you can find someone who meets 80% of your "requirements" - you'll probably be happy enough.
Her story is a good motivator to nurture your own self-awareness early and end self-sabotage as quickly as you can.
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Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Do You Want To Share Your Story?
Kate Basi is doing a cover story for Tobias Magazine. It's called "Singled Out" and topics will include times when others inquire about your single status, how being single can make you feel left out, and also - how to attend weddings as a single without feeling out of place.
It's amazing how little things can make singles feel - well, singled out. I was making lunch today and realized that Boca Burgers are now packaged in twos instead of single patties. I thought to myself, "Well, that's kind of messed up. Why should they assume that people are going to be dining in pairs?" I suppose the company would probably say that they are trying to save money and figured the packages of two was worth the cost savings, but it still sends a message that most people will at least be eating with one other person, and that's not always the case.
Anyway, if you are interested, contact Kate at basik@centurytel.net
It's amazing how little things can make singles feel - well, singled out. I was making lunch today and realized that Boca Burgers are now packaged in twos instead of single patties. I thought to myself, "Well, that's kind of messed up. Why should they assume that people are going to be dining in pairs?" I suppose the company would probably say that they are trying to save money and figured the packages of two was worth the cost savings, but it still sends a message that most people will at least be eating with one other person, and that's not always the case.
Anyway, if you are interested, contact Kate at basik@centurytel.net
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Meet Online – Get Married Sooner?
An interesting stat just came out that suggests that online daters are likely to be older, have less time, and inclined to marry faster. A lot faster. Try 18.5 months compared to 42 months!
You can find the full article here:
http://futurity.org/society-culture/seniors-surfing-for-love/
The Internet certainly does streamline the dating process by search engine technology and email, so the stat doesn’t completely surprise me in one sense. Back in the day, I had to be by the phone to get a guy’s call. Remember that agony? Now – you can connect any time via email and start your search whenever the mood hits you. I guess that flexibility (and focus – after all, most people only join dating services if they are seriously looking for a spouse) can speed things up.
You can find the full article here:
http://futurity.org/society-culture/seniors-surfing-for-love/
The Internet certainly does streamline the dating process by search engine technology and email, so the stat doesn’t completely surprise me in one sense. Back in the day, I had to be by the phone to get a guy’s call. Remember that agony? Now – you can connect any time via email and start your search whenever the mood hits you. I guess that flexibility (and focus – after all, most people only join dating services if they are seriously looking for a spouse) can speed things up.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
You Might Be Interested In….
A new book just came out that you might be interested in.
It’s a secular book…Marry Him!: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. An easy way to get the gist of the book is to read this article online by the author, Lori Gottlieb.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
The author is a single woman who had a child on her own through a donor. She was probably besieged by fears that she wouldn’t be able to experience pregnancy if she waited any longer. The fear factor can get pretty intense for women in their late 30s and 40s who haven’t found a husband or had a child. It’s something I never wanted to experience!
However, the point is that she took bad advice when she was in her 20s - early 30s and this is her cautionary tale to single women who still have time. Don’t waste it. The longer you wait and the more men you dismiss for petty things, the harder it will get for you. There is a good chance that you’ll have to settle more as you get older because the best guys will be taken or divorced with complex family situations. And – if you complicate your life by having a child by a donor– a guy will be settling for you in a sense because he can’t build a family from scratch.
The author describes her difficult situation… In one sense, she can’t be as discriminating because she knows guys are settling for her based on her age and the fact that she already has a child. On the other hand, she must to be more discriminating because she has a child who needs a good father figure. To make matters worse, childbearing made her age faster and she doesn’t have the same freedom to go out and date that most singles (or even divorced women with joint custody arrangements) do. She’s stuck.
Honestly, I was more sympathetic to this than my husband. Her tale pulled on my heartstrings because as you know, I have an interest in helping single women. But, my husband reminded me that we don’t think “never marrieds” give the best dating advice because if they want to be married and aren’t, they are the ones who could probably benefit from sage wisdom. That’s strike number one. Remember that if you buy this book.
Strike number two is that he thought the title was uninspiring. In fact, he grimaced when he heard it. What man wants to be known as “Mr. Good Enough?” I have to agree that the story, based on the article, isn’t particularly inspiring in the traditional sense. It does give me yet another example to point single women to when I urge them to get their priorities in line though. Like, “this could be you!”
I sense that this author could benefit from an injection of positive energy, hope, and faith. I saw her photo – she’s an attractive woman and obviously quite intelligent. I think if she wants it bad enough, she could still find a good man. Maybe not somebody who matches every check box on the original checklist she had at age 22, but a good man. Come on – she’s a famous author. Plenty of men will be enamored with that! Think of the amazing emails she could write to someone on an online dating website.
It’s a secular book…Marry Him!: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. An easy way to get the gist of the book is to read this article online by the author, Lori Gottlieb.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
The author is a single woman who had a child on her own through a donor. She was probably besieged by fears that she wouldn’t be able to experience pregnancy if she waited any longer. The fear factor can get pretty intense for women in their late 30s and 40s who haven’t found a husband or had a child. It’s something I never wanted to experience!
However, the point is that she took bad advice when she was in her 20s - early 30s and this is her cautionary tale to single women who still have time. Don’t waste it. The longer you wait and the more men you dismiss for petty things, the harder it will get for you. There is a good chance that you’ll have to settle more as you get older because the best guys will be taken or divorced with complex family situations. And – if you complicate your life by having a child by a donor– a guy will be settling for you in a sense because he can’t build a family from scratch.
The author describes her difficult situation… In one sense, she can’t be as discriminating because she knows guys are settling for her based on her age and the fact that she already has a child. On the other hand, she must to be more discriminating because she has a child who needs a good father figure. To make matters worse, childbearing made her age faster and she doesn’t have the same freedom to go out and date that most singles (or even divorced women with joint custody arrangements) do. She’s stuck.
Honestly, I was more sympathetic to this than my husband. Her tale pulled on my heartstrings because as you know, I have an interest in helping single women. But, my husband reminded me that we don’t think “never marrieds” give the best dating advice because if they want to be married and aren’t, they are the ones who could probably benefit from sage wisdom. That’s strike number one. Remember that if you buy this book.
Strike number two is that he thought the title was uninspiring. In fact, he grimaced when he heard it. What man wants to be known as “Mr. Good Enough?” I have to agree that the story, based on the article, isn’t particularly inspiring in the traditional sense. It does give me yet another example to point single women to when I urge them to get their priorities in line though. Like, “this could be you!”
I sense that this author could benefit from an injection of positive energy, hope, and faith. I saw her photo – she’s an attractive woman and obviously quite intelligent. I think if she wants it bad enough, she could still find a good man. Maybe not somebody who matches every check box on the original checklist she had at age 22, but a good man. Come on – she’s a famous author. Plenty of men will be enamored with that! Think of the amazing emails she could write to someone on an online dating website.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Tobias Magazine
A new magazine focusing on Single Catholic Living was just launched: Tobias Magazine. You can get a free copy by going to: http://www.tobiasmag.com/
I got a letter from a reader who saw some of my work in there (originally appeared on 4marks.com.)
Anyway, I signed up for a free subscription and think it's a great idea.
My new book should be out later this year and it looks like I'll have a nice assortment of radio interviews and booksignings coming - so stay tuned!
I got a letter from a reader who saw some of my work in there (originally appeared on 4marks.com.)
Anyway, I signed up for a free subscription and think it's a great idea.
My new book should be out later this year and it looks like I'll have a nice assortment of radio interviews and booksignings coming - so stay tuned!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Exciting News and Summer Weddings
Book Contract!
I am about to sign a book deal with Servant Books. The book will be on Christian dating for women. Woo hoo! Servant Books has published popular Catholic authors such as Christopher West and the Hahns. I am so thrilled to be working with a professional publisher and look forward to sharing my lessons learned with you through the book.
Summer Weddings
In addition to moving into our first home this summer, my husband and I are going out of state for many weddings this season.
One of the weddings might not have happened had my husband not urged the guy to try online dating two years ago. So – if you are on the fence about online dating, and really want to find that special someone, I urge you to give it a try. Not everyone has the good fortune of meeting someone at a party or social gathering these days, so give it a shot if you are looking. Of course, be safe and meet in a public place. Remember that it is easy to open up too quickly through email and be smart…but also be open to the adventure. You may meet someone from out of town who can tell you interesting stories about a different region or country.
Reasons For Singles To Attend Weddings
Also, if you are single and not feeling too excited about attending summer weddings…get excited! I remember loathing weddings when I was single because 1) I was alone and didn’t know who to go with, 2) I was usually sad over a recent break up, 3) for some reason, watching a friend get married in the midst of my own torturous search made me over-emotional.
Now I realize that weddings are really great for singles for many reasons. For one thing, the homilist will remind you of what marriage really is and isn’t. Homilists will usually mention how marriage can be a lot of hard work and how not every day will be a great day. That’s a priceless reality check for singles in my view…especially when the bride looks stunning and the wedding day is normally a very happy occasion.
It is easy for people to think, “Oh, I won’t get married unless the person makes me deliriously happy all of the time.” The rationale is that they do not want to get married just to get married. Well, nobody will make you happy all of the time. There is usually a period in the beginning of a relationship when you have butterflies and a blissful feeling, but it’s unrealistic to expect that to be there at all times.
Attending weddings might also help you make decisive choices when it is your turn. If you attend a large, five-hour wedding reception and feel drained and like you need to press your reset button afterwards, you’ll probably want to do something different for your wedding. On the other hand, if you think it was the greatest party ever and were energized by it, you’ll know that much of your budget will go towards a large reception.
It can also help you learn things by friendly conversation rather than by lengthy research projects. For instance, the bride over the weekend chose a stunning royal blue as her accent color. The flowers at the reception were a blend of white, blue, and violet. Blue is the hardest color flower to buy. So, had I been single, and dreamed of using blue for my wedding, I might have chatted with the bride about her flowers and taken notes for myself. It could save time later!
I am about to sign a book deal with Servant Books. The book will be on Christian dating for women. Woo hoo! Servant Books has published popular Catholic authors such as Christopher West and the Hahns. I am so thrilled to be working with a professional publisher and look forward to sharing my lessons learned with you through the book.
Summer Weddings
In addition to moving into our first home this summer, my husband and I are going out of state for many weddings this season.
One of the weddings might not have happened had my husband not urged the guy to try online dating two years ago. So – if you are on the fence about online dating, and really want to find that special someone, I urge you to give it a try. Not everyone has the good fortune of meeting someone at a party or social gathering these days, so give it a shot if you are looking. Of course, be safe and meet in a public place. Remember that it is easy to open up too quickly through email and be smart…but also be open to the adventure. You may meet someone from out of town who can tell you interesting stories about a different region or country.
Reasons For Singles To Attend Weddings
Also, if you are single and not feeling too excited about attending summer weddings…get excited! I remember loathing weddings when I was single because 1) I was alone and didn’t know who to go with, 2) I was usually sad over a recent break up, 3) for some reason, watching a friend get married in the midst of my own torturous search made me over-emotional.
Now I realize that weddings are really great for singles for many reasons. For one thing, the homilist will remind you of what marriage really is and isn’t. Homilists will usually mention how marriage can be a lot of hard work and how not every day will be a great day. That’s a priceless reality check for singles in my view…especially when the bride looks stunning and the wedding day is normally a very happy occasion.
It is easy for people to think, “Oh, I won’t get married unless the person makes me deliriously happy all of the time.” The rationale is that they do not want to get married just to get married. Well, nobody will make you happy all of the time. There is usually a period in the beginning of a relationship when you have butterflies and a blissful feeling, but it’s unrealistic to expect that to be there at all times.
Attending weddings might also help you make decisive choices when it is your turn. If you attend a large, five-hour wedding reception and feel drained and like you need to press your reset button afterwards, you’ll probably want to do something different for your wedding. On the other hand, if you think it was the greatest party ever and were energized by it, you’ll know that much of your budget will go towards a large reception.
It can also help you learn things by friendly conversation rather than by lengthy research projects. For instance, the bride over the weekend chose a stunning royal blue as her accent color. The flowers at the reception were a blend of white, blue, and violet. Blue is the hardest color flower to buy. So, had I been single, and dreamed of using blue for my wedding, I might have chatted with the bride about her flowers and taken notes for myself. It could save time later!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
My story in Easter edition of Our Sunday Visitor
So, I was enjoying my Sunday afternoon when a man called me from New York. He said something about my conversion story appearing in the April 12, 2009 issue of Our Sunday Visitor. I was like, "Huh, what?" I had no idea. They didn't tell me it was going to appear.
But, sure enough, mine was one of four to appear.
You can see it in their special Easter edition on their website. Mine is entitled "Relationship bears fruit"
http://www.osv.com/tabid/7621/itemid/4671/Welcoming-new-Catholics-home.aspx
I am trying to locate a paper edition now. Let me know if you can send me one.
But, sure enough, mine was one of four to appear.
You can see it in their special Easter edition on their website. Mine is entitled "Relationship bears fruit"
http://www.osv.com/tabid/7621/itemid/4671/Welcoming-new-Catholics-home.aspx
I am trying to locate a paper edition now. Let me know if you can send me one.
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