Wednesday, February 24, 2010

CNN Interview with Lori Gottlieb

I recently blogged about a new book that came out...and just saw this interview with the author, Lori Gottlieb, on CNN of all places.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/02/24/lori.gottlieb.marry.him/index.html?hpt=C2

She said enough interesting things that I will probably end up reading the book now!

She confirms what I observed as a dater, which is that women tend to be much pickier than men, and the "I must have it all" attitude creates unhappy people. Apparently, if you can find someone who meets 80% of your "requirements" - you'll probably be happy enough.

Her story is a good motivator to nurture your own self-awareness early and end self-sabotage as quickly as you can.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Do You Want To Share Your Story?

Kate Basi is doing a cover story for Tobias Magazine. It's called "Singled Out" and topics will include times when others inquire about your single status, how being single can make you feel left out, and also - how to attend weddings as a single without feeling out of place.

It's amazing how little things can make singles feel - well, singled out. I was making lunch today and realized that Boca Burgers are now packaged in twos instead of single patties. I thought to myself, "Well, that's kind of messed up. Why should they assume that people are going to be dining in pairs?" I suppose the company would probably say that they are trying to save money and figured the packages of two was worth the cost savings, but it still sends a message that most people will at least be eating with one other person, and that's not always the case.

Anyway, if you are interested, contact Kate at basik@centurytel.net

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Meet Online – Get Married Sooner?

An interesting stat just came out that suggests that online daters are likely to be older, have less time, and inclined to marry faster. A lot faster. Try 18.5 months compared to 42 months!

You can find the full article here:
http://futurity.org/society-culture/seniors-surfing-for-love/

The Internet certainly does streamline the dating process by search engine technology and email, so the stat doesn’t completely surprise me in one sense. Back in the day, I had to be by the phone to get a guy’s call. Remember that agony? Now – you can connect any time via email and start your search whenever the mood hits you. I guess that flexibility (and focus – after all, most people only join dating services if they are seriously looking for a spouse) can speed things up.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

You Might Be Interested In….

A new book just came out that you might be interested in.

It’s a secular book…Marry Him!: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. An easy way to get the gist of the book is to read this article online by the author, Lori Gottlieb.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry

The author is a single woman who had a child on her own through a donor. She was probably besieged by fears that she wouldn’t be able to experience pregnancy if she waited any longer. The fear factor can get pretty intense for women in their late 30s and 40s who haven’t found a husband or had a child. It’s something I never wanted to experience!

However, the point is that she took bad advice when she was in her 20s - early 30s and this is her cautionary tale to single women who still have time. Don’t waste it. The longer you wait and the more men you dismiss for petty things, the harder it will get for you. There is a good chance that you’ll have to settle more as you get older because the best guys will be taken or divorced with complex family situations. And – if you complicate your life by having a child by a donor– a guy will be settling for you in a sense because he can’t build a family from scratch.

The author describes her difficult situation… In one sense, she can’t be as discriminating because she knows guys are settling for her based on her age and the fact that she already has a child. On the other hand, she must to be more discriminating because she has a child who needs a good father figure. To make matters worse, childbearing made her age faster and she doesn’t have the same freedom to go out and date that most singles (or even divorced women with joint custody arrangements) do. She’s stuck.

Honestly, I was more sympathetic to this than my husband. Her tale pulled on my heartstrings because as you know, I have an interest in helping single women. But, my husband reminded me that we don’t think “never marrieds” give the best dating advice because if they want to be married and aren’t, they are the ones who could probably benefit from sage wisdom. That’s strike number one. Remember that if you buy this book.

Strike number two is that he thought the title was uninspiring. In fact, he grimaced when he heard it. What man wants to be known as “Mr. Good Enough?” I have to agree that the story, based on the article, isn’t particularly inspiring in the traditional sense. It does give me yet another example to point single women to when I urge them to get their priorities in line though. Like, “this could be you!”

I sense that this author could benefit from an injection of positive energy, hope, and faith. I saw her photo – she’s an attractive woman and obviously quite intelligent. I think if she wants it bad enough, she could still find a good man. Maybe not somebody who matches every check box on the original checklist she had at age 22, but a good man. Come on – she’s a famous author. Plenty of men will be enamored with that! Think of the amazing emails she could write to someone on an online dating website.